Have you ever met a person that showered you with compliments and did everything right, right from the start? Giving you more attention than you ever thought you deserved and promising your every hope and dream?
That’s an early red flag that you are dealing with a person with high scores on the Dark Triad: Psychopathy, Machiavellianism and Narcissism. In this blog post I’ll only use the term psychopathy for simplicity and the pronoun he as most psychopaths are male.
In the beginning of the relationship psychopaths will spend hours each day manipulating you into believing that he is your knight in shining armour and can singlehandedly take all your problems away. After a few weeks come declarations of love and a showering of gifts. Carefully chosen terminology like ‘soulmates’ and ‘love at first sight’ to further pull you in. He will give you so much attention that you will not see the wood for the trees - no chance to step back and realize the depths to what is happening around you.
This is a period where you may feel amazing. You're falling in love with them and its intense, more so than you've ever known or believed could exist. Intelligent and charming - how can this person understand me better than anyone before? So full of confidence, ambition and charisma how can this be real? But none of this is real.
This is a GROOMING technique. They are blinding you, creating dependence on their attention and affection. Developing a desire, a need for their time and being.
Unfortunately I’ve been there - dealing with a number of fully fledged Psychopaths. One spent three months talking to me on an instant messenger for up to 8 hours every night. He actually told me that he was too good to be true, but how could I believe him. The devil likes to show his face, and when he does, believe him. A second encounter with another had me move in with him after only two weeks. I was easier to groom, well versed in the Psychopathic expectation and falling for every trick and slight of hand shown to me. The work had already been by those psychopaths before him.
Usually the victims are highly empathetic people. Remember you have been targeted. You have done nothing wrong and you did not ask for this. Empaths can understand and explain other people’s behaviour and might be more forgiving. The psychopath needs you to have this trait. He just needs you to stop empathising with yourself and only with him. Because soon he will start blaming everything on you. He will take everything good away that he gave to you in the love bombing period. That is heart breaking. But you will believe that the person you met in the beginning is who he really is. If you just do as he says, you will get back to that period. I'm telling you, it will never happen. It was all an act. Get out when you still have the chance.
Photo by Dakota Adney